The Epileptic Odyssey of Azeroth
by Idonotexist42
Summary: The worlds of Hary Potter and WoW collide wiht utterly mind bending and soul destroying results.
1. Forward

"Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"  
Nothing beside remains. Round the decay  
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare  
The lone and level sands stretch far away"

-Percy Shelly, Ozymandias

Authorial Proclamation I

I what doth follow, behold what I have wrought! In twyste and perverse such subtle colossi shall I weave. Forestall your condemnation, for truly I tell you there is more than what meets the eye, and meaning beyond what is said and seen. Shy not from myne bladed words and see if thou canst carve from its carcass the delicate meat that lies below the hoary skin. There is an epic there, who's roots sink deep into the treacherous sand of words, if only one has the eyes to see it. Exhort from me explanation not, for to pierce the veil dost shatter the spell. question not my methods nor prose nor the narrative till you have seen it in its completion. From you o reader, I ask only this sacred trust. Proceed with caution should you dare.

In Exordium/Introit:

Help me O muse, to tell the tale of Brave Harry, Kind Thrall, and the Almighty Zuldjan! give me words to speak their adventures of these brave and glorious adventurers as they shake two worlds to their crooked roots and reshape existence. Lend me expression to convey the horror and destruction of reality that has bean woveth through their actions as they pour forth from myne wretched Mind! Amen!


	2. HpI: Javier the Rapey Unicorn

It was in the grate hall at the beginning of teh year adn evry 1 wuz siting at the tables and eating food wating for Dulmbdoer to takl. As usal the wer all wondring wo teh defence aginst the dork arts techer wud be. Then dumlbor stood up and sad that it was Ozzy. Then crazy train startd plaing and evrythign turned into a mosh pit and ron changed his name to Azrael becuz it was more metal than weasel becuz weasls ar small an dfurry and not metal at all. Evry one in gyfirdor and ravenclaw and even Hufflepuff (because badgers are fucking badass I dont giv a siht wut anyone says.] but the ppl in slithern didnt go in the pit and just stud by the walls being lame becuz they are all emo pussy scene bitchts and not tru metal. Sirus plack rose from the ded and made an awesome guitar solo and then everyone jizzed their pants except the slythens cuz they arent true metal and only listen to blood on the dancefloor and pussy scene shit wit auto tune and brekadonws and siht. Fuck that shit! So instead their faces just melted off and the all. The next day they were all in denece 'ginst the dark arts and the lerned but Patrounouses and Ozzy's was a dove with its head bitten then every one did lots of cocane and drugs and stuff. The next day it was Care of magicle cretures. Hagrid was like "today were going to learn about unicorns" "unicorns r gay' sad Malfoy "shut up" sad Azrel , ur the gay 1. Then hagird was like her is a unicorn. The unicorns name was Javier and it was pale blue and sparkly. "k-thats reaaaaaly gay sad mafloy. Ur actually rigt sad Hary. Almost as gay as your blood on the dance floor t shrit. Fuck you all sad Hagird. This Unicorn will RAPE your ass. "but if its a boy unicorn and it rapes him in the as, dosnt that actualy maek it gay? Lik in a literal sense? Sad Hermoine? Shutp! Sad Hagird. It will rap you too. So its only bi so its like half gay. Then Javier jumped over the fence and started raping ervyboddy with is massive six foot unicorn dick and malfoy got impaled like a fucking shiskybob and then Hagrid started rapping becuz he had turned into his secret alter eggo Swagrid. And then a bunch of people died and it was metal as fuck. When Javier finished raping evryoen he flew away on a fucking rainbow and then Stargazer by Rainbow started playing and evry one who wasnt dead did a shit ton of acid and smoeked lots of weed wile Sirius Blackmore was playing the guitar. (edn of chapper oen)


	3. WowI: I am Steroids

Aggra screamed as her instestines were brutally wrenched from her tummy in a glorious shower of crimson gore. "chillax dude, thats my wife" Said Thrall "Ya lay of da steroids mon" sad Voljin. I dont do steroids I AM STEROIDZ! Garrosh scremed! Brandishin her spine at them. He then ate one of her legs. And kicked her baby becuz it was on teh floor (cuz it fell out when he rippd hir in haf.) thats fucked up sad sarfang. Graaaaaaaaar seroidz! Garrosh yelled and ran out of teh room. Then they all had tea. "dis be good tea mon" sad voljin. BUT it was Plauge! Tea! Slyvanass lept out of the shadows "hahahaha! Now u will all be my zombies! I am the lich qeen! No sad Voljin, I swiched the tea. U drank the zomby tea. But I didt drunk any tea, she said; I only drink the tears of dead babies and alliance fanbois. Then who drank the tea? sad Thrall? I TWAS I! yeld Arga! And then she got up but then Garorsh caem bak and then he killed her again and she died and then she was dead, bcause he killed her so she was dead again. Instead of being alive or a zombie or something. Just dead. Because Garrohs killed her with his steroid strenth. Because shes stupid and I hate her, and he does too becuz shes stupid even tho hes stupid too but atleast hes a a baddass and shes just a deus ex machina who cant even save thrall without are help. She just yells In her stupid voice and then we do all the work. Garrosh is made of steroids and kills things. Like a Boss. Promote anarchy Like a boss! Dismiss generals (Like a Boss) Yell a Sylvanass like a boss! Get ignord like a boss. Swallow butthurt (liek a Bsos!) balls fall off (from the steroids [like a boss}) turn into a zepplin! Like a Boss! Bomb the Alliance LIKE a Boss! {that was a song refference. It had seth rogan in it who my english teacher reminds me of but thats off topic so im going to go back to the storry now, Kk?" Gaks! Folied agin said Sylvanass! Then she dissapeared into the shadows and was gone. And they could not find her. O noes! Sad thrall; whatever shall we do? She is being attrocities again! Shuddup green jesus! Sad Garrohs! You shut up! I am (italics) Clearly (italics are over now) a (italics again) MOSES (o\italics are done) figure {ather note: See, thrall is not jesus, becuz he didn't sacrifice himself, he is moses becus he was born as a slave and then he wus rased bi the people who wer slave him and then ran away and then he found his pppl and then the spirits told him to go free his people and then he did and then he took them across the sea and then the alliance army followed him but died when the sea sank that troll island with the MURLOCS. So He is _moses_, NOT _jesus_. Its weird though cuz that makes the orcs the jews and that doesnt maek sesne. But they are blizzsz chosen ppl, and bliz is like god so that makes sesne. And Gorm is jessus (not thrall) becuz HE DID died for they're sins and redemd evrybody. Yay. } ather note over* ervybody! Sad Voljn we need to go do something. Yeah sad Sarang. Like what? Sad thrall! Then they all had sex. But it wasnt gay, becuz it wasnt. Except Grarorsh. Becus steroids and ball fell off and he wants Varian and that is why he is always so angry and cuz steroids, becuz he is steroids. And then their buts hurt and then they went to the forrums because that is wat ppl do when they are full of butthurt. {there in the forrums now) a wild sha of hapiness apperd. Garorhs used QQ. Its not verry affective. Sha of hapiness used a thing I dont no how to type so I give up. Then they all wen tback to ogimer to punt gnomes. Cuz thats wat nomes are foor. And being in gradens , cuz like garden gnomes and shit. lol{endo f chatper] \m/


End file.
